Part I: Delicate Self

My mirror misses my smile—
The promise that gleamed from my spirit.
The blind devotion dancing in my brown eyes.
The tender naivety of every interaction.

My mirror misses my confidence—
The easy weightlessness of my movements.
The strength of my shoulders tossed with eagerness.
The self-assured courage threaded through my voice.

My mirror misses my skin—
The shimmer of youthful unawareness.
The excited curiosity that seeped from every pore.
The radiant blush of my heart too soft, too soon.

My mirror misses who I was.
The reflection of a once delicate, reckless innocence.
Now tempered with the imperfect complexities of who I’ve become.
Perhaps it’s time I found a new mirror…

Part II: Tempered Self

This mirror admires my smile—
The deeply warm and welcoming grace.
The patiently gathered thoughts on the tip of my tongue.
The relaxed hesitancy in the way I speak.

The mirror admires my confidence—
The quiet discernment of my decisions.
The ache in my shoulders from truths that rubbed raw. 
The deep embedding of self-worth in every tone.

My mirror admires my skin— 
The gentle glow of enduring softness.
The wisdom embroidered in every fine line. 
The grounded intuition in every bruise and scar. 

My mirror admires who I’ve become.
The reflection of a resilient, beautifully lived soul,
Slow and mindful with her heart.
A gracefully evolving and carefully tempered self.
… I think I like this mirror. 

~ Alexandria

This piece not only speaks to the evolution of self, but also my writing. This piece evolved from a little sticky note I wrote in my journal in 2022. The sticky note contained the premature lines in stanzas one and two of Delicate Self. The original sticky note spoke volumes to me as it made me think deeper about the delicate and emotional journey of self-worth. The effort it takes to undue toxic thinking patterns, reversing the negative self-talk of ourselves and who we see in the mirror. A journey that emphasizes self-acceptance rather than longing for who we once were.

At first the mirror stood as something that valued the beautiful parts of me that I neglected— my deeply loving nature, the ease in how I carried and viewed my younger self. What started as a harmless nostalgia, the mirror turns into a tool of self-deprecation and destruction as the word “misses” makes us feel unworthy of who we have become. Thus ending part one abandoning the mirror or lens we use to see ourselves all together. Part two, Tempered Self, offers a new perspective. Although at first read it may seem calloused or depressing, but this realistic reflection invites and actually admires the unrefined versions of us. This is the healthier perspective. No doubt there is a sorrow, a heavy nostalgia when we reminisce on who we once were, but there is also a beauty in our maturity. The pain of finding our true selves, the unique complexities of who we are and what we’ve gone through. The depth we now carry in our eyes. There is more beauty in that reflection because its imperfectly us.

Instead of being tied to that old mirror— the old perspective of our once selves— maybe instead, we find a new mirror. A mirror that doesn’t wish we go back, but a mirror that honors who we have become and who we are becoming. A new perspective— one that doesn’t have to be cute and perfect. A perspective that admires our raw, unfiltered selves, tempered with love, life and experience. A self that is strengthened to endure. A self that no longer moves with eagerness but is now rooted with deep care and intention. It’s not a matter of feeling remorse for hardening, but rather falling in love with this new grounded, unapologetic version of ourselves. Learning to love this new mirror.